A QUICK LESSON ON CROPS AND WHIPS FROM YOUR FAVOURITE HORSE RIDER
iwillincendiotheheartoutofyou:
THIS IS A CROP
IT DOES NOT MAKE THE ‘WHH-CH’ WHIP NOISE
IT CAN LEAVE BRUISING BUT WILL NOT CUT YOUR SKIN
THIS IS A WHIP
IT DOES MAKE THE ‘WHH-CH’ WHIP NOISE
IT PROBABLY WON’T LEAVE BRUISING BUT CAN CUT YOUR SKIN
NOW GO FORTH AND WRITE ACCURATE PORN
I JUST SPAT CRANBERRY JUICE ALL OVER MY HOMEWORK AND DESK BECUASE OF THE END OF THAT.
(via wtffanfiction)
Lifting his head carefully, eyes glancing around the camp to see what sort of horrifically malevolent creature was watching him, all he found at first was a squirrel. Squirrels were not usually known for the capacity towards evil, let alone sleep disrupting stares. Certainly Gaffer would go on a long laundry list on how squirrels were in fact quite evil and perhaps the source of all misfortune in all of Middle Earth. But Gaffer usually changed the animal depending on what had potentially disrupted the crotchety’s hobbit’s garden rather than actual concrete evidence. And Bilbo was not quite awake enough to not think Well perhaps there is something to Gaffer’s grievances afterall and How can I wake up Bofur and alert him to the squirrel of Sauron?
“I suppose. I’ve definitely changed,” Harry mused, watching the dancing grapes. “Did you know Snape…is Snape gay?”
“I don’t believe that man has been gleeful a single day in his life,” Minerva deadpanned, though her lips quirked as she tried to hide a smile.
I’m not shaving your back again, Edward. That was disgusting and you ruined my razor,” Jasper replied.
I came because I believe you are going to be killed tonight” Voldemort smiled “I have information that Lord Sidious is going to come here to kill you. You, the Potter boy and his whore” “SHE IS NOT MY WHORE!” Harry yelled. “HE’S MINE!” Luna added. “DAMN RIGHT!” Harry finished, then realised both Voldemort and Dumbledore were staring at them with looks of utter disbelief on their faces - looks mirrored around the whole of the hall “What? I just wanted to make sure we were clear. I’d hate to die with such a big misunderstanding hanging over us” There were a few laughs round the hall, then Harry turned to face Voldemort. “My Lord - we had a party planned for tonight to celebrate two years since the end of The Tournament. Since that also marked the night that Pettigrew brought you back, I was wondering if you’d like to join us?” “HARRY!” Dumbledore yelled in surprise, but Harry didn’t turn away from Voldemort. “What? If we are going to have to wait for Sidious to turn up before you start killing us, I don’t see the harm in having a little fun before then” He grinned “I mean - if we are all going to die, the least we can do is enjoy the time we have left” Voldemort stared down at him, raising his wand. “Do you know what I do to people who mock me, boy?” He asked in a low, menacing voice. “Buy them cookies?” Luna asked. “Take them to the circus?” Lucinda added, causing Harry to grin. “No” Voldemort glared at each of them, then turned back to Harry “I torture them. CRUCIO!
It won’t seem that long” He didn’t turn as Ginny walked in behind him “And I can help it go by” For a moment, Harry continued to stare at Luna’s petrified form, wondering if she’d mind being used to beat Ginny to death. “Probably not” He thought “As long as I didn’t break any parts off her, she’d probably find it funny” Smiling for a moment, he reached out and patted Luna’s hand, then turned to face the young girl behind him.
That was when Lestrade decided that the whole thing was probably beyond his understanding, like so many other things about Sherlock. Neither John nor Sherlock seemed to have any problems with the situation, after all, and it seemed a far better use of his time to worry about Sherlock actually causing a zombie apocalypse while John stood by and said things like, ‘don’t let it infect dogs, that would be creepy’ or ‘right, I’ve stockpiled enough food and weapons to keep us going for at least six months.’
John sighs. “Sherlock, We can’t get married.”
“Why not?”
“Mycroft would eat the cake.”
Whatever you might think, I did have a life before you knew me. There were quite a number of penises, and I did all kinds of things with them.” John smiled.
— Love it
I have milked Nick Fury,” Tony slumped down on the couch, defeated. “I will require years of therapy and never recover.
— Fury got turned into a cow
